I didn’t realise until I started going to therapy how much of myself I censored for different people.
After talking to my therapist about how much I worried about people judging me & how much I judged myself I came to the conclusion that I had different ‘faces’ for different groups of people in my life.
It is interesting to look back at how this may have come about but ultimately it’s about self preservation.
I assumed what others were thinking about me & because I judged myself so harshly I only ever assumed others were doing the same.
I defined my actions by what I thought others found socially acceptable & this changed depending on who I was with.
It has been a long journey to get to where I am now & I know that it is not over but as I have come to accept more of myself I have come to care less about what other people think of me.