Not knowing anyone else who had been to therapy or anyone in the profession I googled therapists in my town & came across this brilliant directory.
I looked at several profiles & made my choice mainly based on price & location.
The directory also shows an image of the therapist & I must admit to also choosing the therapist I did because they looked like they wouldn’t let me make excuses. I wanted to see results & I wanted someone who looked like they wouldn’t be too gentle with me!
Making myself talk to someone about anything & everything has meant that I have learnt a valuable lesson: It’s better out than in.
What I mean is, before I used to box up everything, I didn’t share how things made me feel & I certainly didn’t let anyone know if I was struggling.
For me being seen as strong & independent was important & that meant not allowing anyone to see my weaknesses.
I didn’t talk to anyone, not my friends, family or B.
No one knew what I was going through & I liked it that way.
After a while this doesn’t work in your favour, people misunderstand you & feel distanced from you.
B & I fought because he had no idea how I was feeling & I was reacting to what was happening plus everything I was feeling that was boxed up inside.
B couldn’t help me because I didn’t let him in.
It was easier for me to talk to a therapist because they didn’t know me, my history, my family or my life. They were unconnected to me & had to keep everything I said in confidence.
After about 6 months I started to realise that confronting issues was better than hiding from them.
In the beginning I found it difficult to talk about these issues but I soon found that once we had worked through them I felt much better.
I now don’t try to avoid conversations that I find difficult because I know that it is better to deal with issues as they find me rather than trying to box them up & bury them inside.
B & I argue so much less now than we used to, I am able to communicate much better which means we can resolve issues instead of them sitting around & being destructive.
Letting someone in doesn’t make you weak, if anything allowing someone to see your weaknesses (because let’s face it we all have them) is the strongest thing we can do.