For a long time before I started therapy I thought I was a horrible, evil person full of anger & hate for other people.
I put people close to me on pedestals & compared myself to them (which only ever made me feel bad).
I never saw other people’s faults only my own.
In the introduction to this series I said that I reached a point where I felt I had no where else to turn.
This came about as I became more introverted about my feelings, it meant that B & I started to fight a lot about many things but one thing in particular kept coming up. We found ourselves going round & round the same argument & I always felt like I was trapped against a brick wall with no where to turn & no answers to give.
I felt like I had to change in order to solve this argument. I felt like it was me causing the problem but I had no idea where to even begin working through to a solution.
In the end I decided that I needed to talk to a professional.
I considered the fact that I needed help a failing, a last grasp at a way to change my life BUT admitting that I needed help was half the battle & although I still had a long way to go that admission meant that I could start the journey back to a happier life.